The Spirited Nurse.

I hear it all the time, the words “but we are blood related, I feel that I have a duty to do it.”

No, no you don’t. I have learnt the hard way and i am still learning.

Why keep hurting yourself for someone who actually doesn’t bother with you?
It’s sad to write this but if you asked the majority of my blood “family members” 5 simple questions about me or my life they honestly would not be able to answer. I am not talking about my children within this post.

There is one family member who could answer and thats my sister.

My “blood family” is huge, there are loads of us but my true family is minimum. As far as i am concerned my family consists of a few blood relatives but the majority are my friends, These selected few are the ones who i don’t need to speak to every day, they can take one look at me and know if something is wrong. The ones who celebrate my successes but also understand that sometimes i shut down, don’t communicate and thats okay! They don’t take offence, they just know i burn out and need time sometimes to self regulate.

I have always struggled to regulate my emotions and energy. Since starting my adhd medication in August 25, things feel clearer, I can manage things better.
I am understanding myself better and I now know, it was okay to get so frustrated when i was trying to have a normal relationship with family members and yet they just took and took from me.

I have a massive heart and i love fully, if i tell you i love you i really mean it. But when i feel hurt, it destroys me and it can take me a long time to move forward. I have always given people so many chances then all of a sudden i get to the point where im done, my emotions switch off, when this happens i am completely done. Sounds cold but this happens after a long time of destroying myself whilst trying to maintain that relationship.

One day the time will come where i breathe my last breath (Hopefully a long long time from now) and i do not want people after saying they knew me, saying all this rubbish that people say when someone passes away, when they actually didn’t know me, didn’t bother with me. Didn’t watch my children grow up to be the most amazing beautiful humans.

So i guess this is to say, if you can relate, I get it.

YOU are not selfish for protecting your own inner peace, for stopping yourself from being hurt over and over again.
Life is far too short to spend your time and energy on people who would never do the same for you.

We have a short time on Earth, do it for you, do it for the ones who bother. Appreciate the small things, the stars, the moon, the laughter, the tears, the sip of tea, the first breath you take when you wake up, the aches, the pains, everything as this means we are still alive and that means we still have a chance to break the cycle of using the words “but we are blood related, I feel that I have a duty to do it.”
Good night,
The Spirited Nurse x

Some days i am super motivated and other days i procrastinate the smallest of tasks. Today being one of those days.

My usual morning routine consists of waking up and taking my ADHD medication (Without this the morning routine turns me in to a frantic dragon!) before making the little one her bottle of Horlicks and myself a cup of coffee, sorting the dogs and getting everyone out the door on time!

This morning was no different, except it’s Friday which means a day off from work! I went to the stables and sorted all of the jobs to save time for my daughter this afternoon but i know why i decided to spend longer at the stables, to avoid the dreaded task of doing the end of January accounts for my business, it wasn’t going to be a long task because i generally write all the incomings and outgoings daily!

My todo list today was sort the accounts and pair the odd socks, I’m pleased to say the accounts are done even though it took me longer because i wrote an outgoing in the wrong coloured pen so nothing was adding up (This was driving me crazy!) but the forever growing pile of socks still lingers. On a positive note the house has been blitzed, I am sure pairing the odd socks would have taken far less energy and time though.

It made me think, why do we put off the smallest tasks? Why do we even wear socks that match? I do have a friend who always wears odd socks, maybe that is the way forward. Maybe he has the right idea so he doesn’t have the dreaded pile of odd socks to pair up!

What task do you often put off?

With love
The Spirited Nurse that dislikes pairing socks!! X

Warning – some of my posts might be triggering to others.

I have always been a sex in the city fan, Carrie Bradshaw and all of her writing used to entertain me, why didn’t i realise back then that actually writing helps?

I had moments that just before i fell asleep words would come into my head, i couldn’t settle until i wrote them down, often they turned into poems. This normally happened if someone close to me was going through some kind of bereavement.
A bit like now, i feel compelled to write here. The words are coming into my head and my poor thumbs are typing it quickly so i don’t miss anything!

This is my time to start healing, i will write all truth, the good, the bad, the ugly.
I guess i better introduce myself, that would of been a good start but apparently my brain thought sex and the city would be better!

Im 37, I have three children, i love nature, animals and being outside. I am a registered nurse and business owner, A recent diagnosis of ADHD made me realise why things were always so busy for me and my brain. Im currently on medication for it but now i am ready to start healing from past traumas and i think ready to start opening my subconscious brain, some of the ways i react are probably to do with past traumas if i was really honest with myself.

My inner child, That little girl who always worried she wouldn’t fit in, the girl who dreamt to feel safe and loved, the girl who did the most ridiculous things and didn’t have the best track record at choosing partners! It is okay, you are safe now, you are loved.

I was the little girl who would see things and people would shrug them off, yes now i know it was spirits trying to guide me and tell me i was never alone.

Thanks spirit guide, im here listening now and i get it! You really did protect me several times, that moment when i had an impulse to shout at the driver “slow down, there might be a deer” then a deer jumped out the hedge!

I will be exploring the past, present and plans for the future. This will be my safe place to write it all down, maybe someone will read it and feel similar, I will be exploring my spiritual beliefs more and even bought myself some beautiful new oracle cards today.

It’s okay to be quirky, it’s okay to be different, it’s okay to let go.

With Love.
The Spirited Nurse